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"And Miles to go Before I Rest" Below are 10 entries, after skipping 10 most recent ones in the "plasma08" journal:

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October 1st, 2012
08:00 pm

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It's been an odd night. Nostalgic even. I can hardly believe I've posting on my livejournal. Even the name is dated. That's what I have a girlfriend for, to discuss these things. The cold weather of Seattle makes me feel industrious. Mesmerized. It brings back resoundingly all the childhood things I ran from growing up. Winters, bullies, fears of growing to be inconsequential.

Add in to that, a rap video about competing macroeconomic theories, and I feel the gulf between what I do and truly changing the face of the world. I love my job. I like it very much. It's not exactly what I set out to do. And to even be the type of person, with the right training, and the right connections, to play on that field is withering. As awesome as I am, I don't know if I can ever cut it.

Add in to that a single strong beer and some awesome pizza, and I have a night for reflection. I have been too busy to reflect. Which is wasteful. How many webcomics do I need to read? Why can't I just sit in solace on my public transportation commute and think. That's what got me through junior high. I miss Ohio. 

The competing theories don't even have a resolution. Know one knows, and persuade convincingly, what we should do in this economic situation. How am I to help? What is even the end goal? Total democracy and equality? Impossible. Peace between all nations? Not as they exist today. 

The things that drove me as a child still exist. But then I was a true believer. I believed that by studying hard, and being clever, I could fix things and make the world a better place. But the things I know now root us in where we are. I'm not sure those goals are even applicable any more. I wanted to be Alexander the great and a ninja. I had no idea how the complex world around me worked. My guesses at what I could do were based in vapors. I hate being a cynic. It is the thing about me I hate the most. And I love me quite a bit. I would venture far more than most people love themselves. But I don't see any way around it. The data is the data.

Peace. I also don't like these nights alone. They may in the end be good for me, but they are tough for me.

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August 14th, 2012
01:24 am

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I'm still brushing with broad strokes.

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June 18th, 2012
01:16 am

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I feel sick.

So much to do. So much to fail at.

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June 17th, 2012
11:48 pm

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Tomorrow is a new day.

magis

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June 15th, 2012
02:57 pm

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178 w jeans. Yikes!

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May 4th, 2012
11:20 pm

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I feel like John Coffey these days.

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April 12th, 2012
11:24 pm

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164.

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April 9th, 2012
09:33 pm

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164.
Uncanny.

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09:32 pm

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Full moon. Salt spray. Fires on the Pacific.

Try not to dwell on the failures. There have been so many. There will be so many more.

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March 25th, 2012
12:10 pm

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I'm okay with my whole life being a failure, as long as I keep taking shots. I don't plan on it, but the acceptance is liberating.

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